The first rule of advertising is uncomplicated: sex sells. Whether it’s a scantily clad woman convincing you of your favorite lite beer or a beefcake in a white linen shop selling eau de toilette, we humans are uncomplicated creatures that are easily manipulated by a little eye candy. But here, in the 21st century, in the age of artificial intelligence and sexdroids, why wouldn’t a robot be able to move a few units as well? At least that’s it Lavazza is putting hope into its latest ad campaign and it doesn’t make me feel the least bit uncomfortable.
The campaign is titled “Pleasure makes us human”, which in a sense prepares the proverbial pomp for what awaits us. The 34th rule for the coffee-robot romance comes in the form of a minute-and-a-half video featuring “Luigi, the little sentient robot,” according to a press release whose sole purpose appears to be to bring human office workers to Lavazza Coffee. Seeing their joy, our little robot hedonist friend decides that he wants to experience this [gulp] the pleasure of drinking Lavazza coffee.
After making himself a cup, sparks literally fly and the robot is transported to the sun-drenched beaches of southern Italy to do stereotypically Italian things. At this point you may be asking yourself, “Is the robot getting off?” To which I answer anxiously, yes, yes. The bot snaps back to reality before the final explosion, then crumples into a heap on the floor, its massive robot eyes glazing over before it powers down.
Inexplicably, I guess, because the action takes place in an office, The Office stars Steve Carrell and John Krasinski seem to reveal the final twist in this strange love story. This isn’t our robot friend’s first rodeo. The little shit is a deviant who constantly enjoys the pleasures of being human.
There’s a lot to unpack here and a lot of questions. First, why “pleasure”? There is certainly a less suggestive synonym. And if we accept the first assumption of this advertising campaign, that feeling pleasure is a sufficient condition to be a human, does this mean that the robot is really a human? Not just a conscious, but a fully developed human being. Is what the robot experienced real pleasure, or just an appropriate sequence of events that would equal the state of pleasure in a human? Is there a difference at all? Is breaking a nut and bolt the novel Turing test? The whole thing is very murky, very reminiscent of espresso.
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, or maybe I’m as bitter as an Italian espresso that a robot gets so much more pleasure from drinking coffee than I do – the coffee never once sent me into a refractory period, but I did get as high as a Chemex Robusta once – but there’s no room for that kind of behavior, robots sexualizing coffee, taking over the work of our difficult human bodies pedaling espresso-based orgasmalia.
However, I think he is quite charming and seems attentive and caring. Always drinking coffee is definitely a plus. I wonder if he’s dating someone.
