What if I told you that the restaurant was releasing something called Espresso Proteini? And that’s exactly what it sounds like: an espresso martini with added protein. This already sounds a bit gross. What if I also told you that the restaurant in question is Buffalo Wild Wings and they added their own Buffalo Parched Rub to this recent cocktail? Some people just want to watch the world burn.
As reported USA today, Wild Buffalo Wings plans to release his recent unholy concoction around March 15thvolalso known as National Espresso Martini Day. In addition to the classic ingredients of an espresso martini – vodka, coffee liqueur, espresso, sugar syrup, etc. – Espresso Proteini contains 10 g of additional protein from the addition of Muscle Milk protein powder. Which is stupid and completely unnecessary, but if you’re going to do it, why add so little protein powder? This is already going to taste like shit, so who cares that I’m clearly not interested in it for the taste, just give me a full 25g scoop.
And if that’s not enough, and it most certainly is, Buffalo Wild Wings ups the ante by adding Buffalo Parched Rub, which they apply on their wings. And not only for the drink itself, but also for dusting off the residue on the rim.
Buffalo Parched Rub Espresso Proteini, which luckily will only be available in selected locations from March 13vol and 15volcosts $12 or $20 with an order of six boneless wings. This combination raises an captivating question. Six pieces of white meat chicken contain 30 to 35 grams of protein, which isn’t too bad. So the question is, given a decent amount of protein, how does an extra 10g in this awful thing really move the needle? And at what cost? Why not just order 10 and a nice, ice-cold beer and call it a day?
I don’t want to borrow too many Gen Z terms here, but this isn’t proteinmaxxing. It’s egg white slop. The drink certainly looks like the creation of a faulty AI engine after a bad prompt. But it also fits another definition of the term “slop,” which is something that is put into a trough to fatten pigs before slaughter. And this is how you find yourself in a dystopian world, somewhere between Idiocracy, Wall-E and Soylent Green. Buffalo Wild Wings is what plants want People delicious chicken with completely white meat!
