In slow 2025, American packaged food and grocery brand Trader Joe’s introduced a recent product that caught our attention. It’s called “2 Affogatos”: the pre-packaged box contains, as you might guess, more than one serving of affogato, a wonderful customary delicacy made of coffee and ice cream. In Trader Joe’s hands, an affogato consists of a vanilla, dairy-free frozen dessert (it can’t legally be called ice cream) and a packet of instant coffee.
We considered, albeit briefly, simply writing about the product as a theoretical matter. “Is this good? Would you try it?” and so on. The Trader Joe’s product launch page and accompanying press release certainly had some great pieces to take advantage of:
Only a language as handsome as Italian could make the word “drowned” as euphonious as “affogato.” Because “to drown” – this is literally how “affogato” translates – a suggestive reference to the act of pouring warm coffee over a scoop of cool ice cream. The gem of ice cream shops everywhere. We love the way affogato combines flavors, textures and temperatures. So when our shoppers found this instant Affogato, we immediately knew we had to get it into our freezers.
However, after a period of reflection and contemplation, it was decided that this would be an insult to coffee journalism. Simply writing about a product as a thing that exists doesn’t do Trader Joe’s affogato justice. Instead, the correct route would be to sample the product, document the process, and draw educated conclusions about the benefits of 2 Affogato.
I’m depressed to report that this was an undeniably disappointing experience for everyone involved.
At $4.49 for a two-cup 2 Affogato, it’s certainly a bargain. How exactly Trader Joe’s keeps prices on these and other products so low has been the subject of considerable scrutiny. (I wholeheartedly recommend it read this story about taste on this topic.) The nutrition panel’s listing suggestions apply to both cups (!), but if you like just one, you’ll get 14 grams of sugar, 18 grams of carbs, 7 grams of fat (6 of which are saturated due to the non-dairy coconut content), and only 140 calories. It’s less calories than a can of Dr. Pepper, if you’re counting! The product is made in Thailand; there is no information about the origin or type of coffee in question.
2 Affogatos comes with the following set of instructions:
All you need to do to enjoy your own Affogato is open the cup, pour the contents of the instant coffee into the miniature well that has already been prepared in the dairy-free dessert, and then add an ounce of warm water. Suddenly, the iconic combination of warm and cool, sweet and bold flavor will unfold before your eyes and you will be ready to enjoy it. We recommend it as an after-dinner snack, an afternoon delight or a snack any time. Divertiti!
The box itself shakes like a maracas, or maybe a caxixi. Inside each carton, which resembles the paper cups with holes from your childhood at mini markets or at the ice rink, is a diminutive pleat of instant coffee, labeled simply “Instant Coffee.” The packaging is silver and looks like it might have contained mint in another life.
Before we put coffee and illicit ice cream together, we thought it would be fun to drink just coffee. Using trusty cupping spoons, we slurped up a sticky, syrupy substance that gave off notes of rubber, saturated ashtray and battery acid. It was a completely acrid, bitter and particularly sour experience. During the expansionist era of the third wave movement, some expressed the opinion that there was no such thing as “bad coffee.” Those who share this opinion are welcome to make their own mug.
Now let’s move on to the frozen, non-dairy treat. It looked quite nice – note the invitingly concave brewing hole – and offered a pleasantly subdued coconut flavor. After subsequent bites, we commented on the rubbery consistency of the entire dish, with the distinct flavors of agar, guar gum and carob. Dairy-free ice cream can actually be incredibly delicious, but not always, as it turns out.
We added a brew packet to the ice cream, brewed it to specifications, and dove in to properly taste the final, finished concoction.
Where is the cream? Where is the depth? The coconut flavor of the cream without ice cream disappeared under the sagging sourness of the terrible instant coffee. “This is worse than a Nespresso affogato,” my co-worker declared, and I have to agree with it without reservation.
There is so much guilt to deal with. To the influencers on TikTok and elsewhere who have claimed this product is good, as well as Trader Joe’s himself, we must say that The Trader Joe’s affogato is not only bad: it is terrible. It’s worse than I thought it would be. I’d rather eat ice cream at Starbucks.
